Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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