So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
