Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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