the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
