No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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