barbara walters just said penis...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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