Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
