its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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