Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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