the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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