Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
