Your dad touched me again.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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