someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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