We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
