do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
