My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
