It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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