All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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