she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
