I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
