I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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