tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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