If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
