Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
