maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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