Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
