it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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