so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
bring money and cleavage
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
