Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
