A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
