i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize