I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
