her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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