Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
