dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
