Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
