Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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