We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
