Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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