I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
