Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
