uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
