umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
