Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
