if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
