why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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