I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
