I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
