Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
