She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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