Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
