She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
