you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
