Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
