we're chasing vodka with high fives
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
