Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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