I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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