i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
