3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
