I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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