At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
