well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
a search helicopter?!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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