Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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