Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
