i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
