Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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