I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
