I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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