i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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