nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize