i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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