Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
