the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
