woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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