what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
