Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
