Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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