So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
