and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
