The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
