i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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