just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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