I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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