He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
