I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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