Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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