in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
