omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
