Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
