Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
