my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
