I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
