I'm going to jail i love you
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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