I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
