Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
