so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize